"But it wasn’t a nostalgia post, because mine was not a Kmart family."
Put me in, coach! Here is my Kmart nostalgia story:
It is the mid-aughts, and I have just arrived in Ventura County, California, transferred there by the US Navy, approved for off-base housing and living independently for the first time in my life. Having secured a decent 2-bedroom condo, and set up my computer (presumably on the floor), I'm off to the closest cheap store I can find to try and purchase some sort of desk for it, and maybe a $10 foldable camping chair to sit in.
The KMart in Oxnard, California is exactly how you might imagine it would be, assuming you know anything about Oxnard. If you don't and you're just looking at a map, it's a much shittier place than its near-the-beach location might imply. As KMart is already in the down swing at this point in time, it's filthy, chaotic, and complete with security guys shouting at people that he needs to check their receipts before they leave, but doing nothing when they just ignore him.
I find something to buy, presumably a computer desk and/or camping chair, where my check-out girl is an entirely-too-good-looking for Oxnard young Hispanic chick, who makes small talk with me and tells me that I have very pretty eyes. I find this odd, but am too busy thinking about where else I can get cheap furniture to think about it too much.
I get home and get online and tell my message board friends about this experience. A few minutes later, right as someone is replying, the thought finally occurs to me as well, "SHE WAS FLIRTING WITH YOU, YOU IDIOT!!!" I angst over this for a few moments and come to a decision. No! Not this time! This time I do something! Flush with confidence from my newly found independence and $1800/month Basic Allowance for Housing, I am going to return to this KMart, find something to buy, get back in this girl's line, and ask her out!
Of course, once I get back there, the confidence is shot - I'm getting cold feet. What sort of plan is this anyway? What sort of girl will be impressed with a line of "It just occurred to me that you flirted with me 45 minutes ago so uh... I'm back now!" And what do I even buy? Brilliant thought - I'll buy something *for her*! Flowers, chocolates, hell man, what does TV tell me that girls even like? Perfume? Does that imply I think she smells bad? Alcohol? Does KMart even sell that? I'm new to California and have no idea how their liquor laws work. After maybe another 45 minutes of wandering aimlessly, I finally find some candies or something, and head for the check-outs. I'm trying to very subtly scope them out, there are like 20 open lanes (that's how you know this story is from a long time ago) and I don't want to seem too obvious.
Were you expecting some sort of dramatic ending? Nah man. By this point, it's probably been two hours post-flirt, and I can't find her in the lines. Maybe her shift was over. Maybe I just never saw her. I put the chocolates back and went home, destined for another 8 years of datelessness.
Fucking amazing anecdote here. And for awhile I legit thought it was going to end with the pretty Latina becoming your wife. But this is Kmart, and Kmart was never a purveyor of happy endings or promising starts. Retail operates in the realm of daily doldrums. Your experience is essentially a testament to its terminal standardness in the era where it was constantly digging its sub-standard hole.
Thank you! I enjoyed writing it. For some reason this mini anecdote, despite leading to nothing, always stuck with me. A defining life experience that shouldn't be. I think I may have written it out before, but I'm not sure. In any case, I think every man has a "time a cute girl was flirting with me and I didn't realize it until it was too late" story that sticks with them forever. I don't really know what the female equivalent to this is.
I think everyone has some odd sticky story they remember too well for how inconsequential it was. It’s rare to get an opportunity to share them without coming off like a navel gazing dingus.
Back when I was in fourth grade, I went to my desk and found a cheap plastic ring wrapped in paper. Being as how I was a 4th grader, I assumed it was a gift from my (female) next door neighbor.
I later found out it was from one of the boys in class. He never actually spoke to me about it. I never spoke to him about it. We are coming up on 40 years old, we are friends on Facebook, I still don't know what the hell he was thinking.
Later, in 8th grade, one of the (few!) boys in my class invited me to a Christmas party. I accepted the invite, went to the party. He gave me a gift (which I had not expected); a book about the Rapture and a necklace.
I read the book. I don't remember what I did with the necklace. I didn't realize he was flirting with me until years later. If he'd asked me to be his girlfriend I would have said yes.
Later I found out he almost got into a locker room right with one of the other guys in class over me. The other guy and I were friends. Would hang out after band practice waiting to get picked up, wrestling and goofing off. Once I went to the movies with him, his mom, and her date. It never occured to me to consider this a date.
He later ended up married to (and divorced from) one of the other girls in class, after a tour of duty in the Middle East as a medic.
In retrospect my life worked out way better than his, but if he had asked me to be his girlfriend I would have said yes. He dated other girls in our class so I know he knew how, lol.
I got friend zoned a lot. I still occasionally chat with my big crush from back then. I'm very glad I married my husband install of any of those guys.
I wish I could go back in time and tell teenaged me that it was all gonna work out amazing and I'd end up with a guy WAY better than my hometown prospects.
"But it wasn’t a nostalgia post, because mine was not a Kmart family."
Put me in, coach! Here is my Kmart nostalgia story:
It is the mid-aughts, and I have just arrived in Ventura County, California, transferred there by the US Navy, approved for off-base housing and living independently for the first time in my life. Having secured a decent 2-bedroom condo, and set up my computer (presumably on the floor), I'm off to the closest cheap store I can find to try and purchase some sort of desk for it, and maybe a $10 foldable camping chair to sit in.
The KMart in Oxnard, California is exactly how you might imagine it would be, assuming you know anything about Oxnard. If you don't and you're just looking at a map, it's a much shittier place than its near-the-beach location might imply. As KMart is already in the down swing at this point in time, it's filthy, chaotic, and complete with security guys shouting at people that he needs to check their receipts before they leave, but doing nothing when they just ignore him.
I find something to buy, presumably a computer desk and/or camping chair, where my check-out girl is an entirely-too-good-looking for Oxnard young Hispanic chick, who makes small talk with me and tells me that I have very pretty eyes. I find this odd, but am too busy thinking about where else I can get cheap furniture to think about it too much.
I get home and get online and tell my message board friends about this experience. A few minutes later, right as someone is replying, the thought finally occurs to me as well, "SHE WAS FLIRTING WITH YOU, YOU IDIOT!!!" I angst over this for a few moments and come to a decision. No! Not this time! This time I do something! Flush with confidence from my newly found independence and $1800/month Basic Allowance for Housing, I am going to return to this KMart, find something to buy, get back in this girl's line, and ask her out!
Of course, once I get back there, the confidence is shot - I'm getting cold feet. What sort of plan is this anyway? What sort of girl will be impressed with a line of "It just occurred to me that you flirted with me 45 minutes ago so uh... I'm back now!" And what do I even buy? Brilliant thought - I'll buy something *for her*! Flowers, chocolates, hell man, what does TV tell me that girls even like? Perfume? Does that imply I think she smells bad? Alcohol? Does KMart even sell that? I'm new to California and have no idea how their liquor laws work. After maybe another 45 minutes of wandering aimlessly, I finally find some candies or something, and head for the check-outs. I'm trying to very subtly scope them out, there are like 20 open lanes (that's how you know this story is from a long time ago) and I don't want to seem too obvious.
Were you expecting some sort of dramatic ending? Nah man. By this point, it's probably been two hours post-flirt, and I can't find her in the lines. Maybe her shift was over. Maybe I just never saw her. I put the chocolates back and went home, destined for another 8 years of datelessness.
It's cool though. I have white babies now.
Fucking amazing anecdote here. And for awhile I legit thought it was going to end with the pretty Latina becoming your wife. But this is Kmart, and Kmart was never a purveyor of happy endings or promising starts. Retail operates in the realm of daily doldrums. Your experience is essentially a testament to its terminal standardness in the era where it was constantly digging its sub-standard hole.
Thank you! I enjoyed writing it. For some reason this mini anecdote, despite leading to nothing, always stuck with me. A defining life experience that shouldn't be. I think I may have written it out before, but I'm not sure. In any case, I think every man has a "time a cute girl was flirting with me and I didn't realize it until it was too late" story that sticks with them forever. I don't really know what the female equivalent to this is.
I think everyone has some odd sticky story they remember too well for how inconsequential it was. It’s rare to get an opportunity to share them without coming off like a navel gazing dingus.
Happy you got to share yours.
Back when I was in fourth grade, I went to my desk and found a cheap plastic ring wrapped in paper. Being as how I was a 4th grader, I assumed it was a gift from my (female) next door neighbor.
I later found out it was from one of the boys in class. He never actually spoke to me about it. I never spoke to him about it. We are coming up on 40 years old, we are friends on Facebook, I still don't know what the hell he was thinking.
Later, in 8th grade, one of the (few!) boys in my class invited me to a Christmas party. I accepted the invite, went to the party. He gave me a gift (which I had not expected); a book about the Rapture and a necklace.
I read the book. I don't remember what I did with the necklace. I didn't realize he was flirting with me until years later. If he'd asked me to be his girlfriend I would have said yes.
Later I found out he almost got into a locker room right with one of the other guys in class over me. The other guy and I were friends. Would hang out after band practice waiting to get picked up, wrestling and goofing off. Once I went to the movies with him, his mom, and her date. It never occured to me to consider this a date.
He later ended up married to (and divorced from) one of the other girls in class, after a tour of duty in the Middle East as a medic.
In retrospect my life worked out way better than his, but if he had asked me to be his girlfriend I would have said yes. He dated other girls in our class so I know he knew how, lol.
I got friend zoned a lot. I still occasionally chat with my big crush from back then. I'm very glad I married my husband install of any of those guys.
I wish I could go back in time and tell teenaged me that it was all gonna work out amazing and I'd end up with a guy WAY better than my hometown prospects.